Jan 25 ♥ 4 Ways to Kiss “Should” Goodbye

Should. Appears to be an innocent enough word. How many times a day do you use this word? On the surface it means recommendation, advisability, obligation, expectation. But it also has an implicit definition: the “should” comes from someone else’s point of view, not yours. How many times have you done something based on what other people expect? As in, “You should clean the house.” “You should dress in brighter colors.” “You should bake cookies, not buy them.” “You should lose weight.” Or the reverse. “You shouldn’t try for that more advanced job.” “You shouldn’t expect to be happy in your life.” “You shouldn’t take risks because of <fill in the blank>.” Should. It’s a powerful, judgmental voice. It implies that you don’t have your own answers. How have you been talking to yourself lately? How about making a shift? Making choices based on your values and needs, not those of others. When you feeling a should coming on, see if one of the following phrases resonates with you. Then use that section to help you discover the real motivation behind the should. Make a pledge to let go. With practice you can replace the other voices and contrary agendas around you with your own values-based choices. I feel a should or should not coming on… Whose voice is really telling me I this? Often we have unexamined values that we swallowed whole from our parents, schools, or other authority figures. Where is your should/should not really coming from? Is it … Continue reading

October 21 ♥ Are You Moving Forward or Sitting on Your BUT?

I’ve heard from a lot of women that they’d love to try something new…but… So often there’s that awful, disconcerting but… But where would I find the money, or the time, or the energy? they say. But  I’d have to wait until this or that would happen. My retort? But …  how long are you gonna wait?  What if you believed that the Universe truly is on your side, just waiting for you to take that 1st step? All you’d have to do was begin. And you could take small steps or a giant leap – whatever would feel comfortable. What if the Universe was just waiting for a nod from you? You wouldn’t have to have all the details worked out. You might not even have a clear vision of what exactly you were wanting. You could get moving with what you know…now. The important thing is that you’d be moving forward, not sitting on your But. Now it’s your turn: Where in your life is But getting in the way? What’s holding you back? If you were to take just the teensiest, tiny little step forward, what would you do? What would it take to actually do that itsy bitsy step? Not that much, right? So, get moving! … Continue reading

Sept. 30 ♥ Tolerations – Time to Clean House

What are the things you’re just putting up with in your life? I mean those things that aren’t quite right and that you plan on fixing? Someday… Today comes, and then tomorrow, and they’re still waiting for some action on our part. The thing about “tolerations” is that they drag us down, many times leading us to feel overwhelmed by the things that keep accumulating over time. And these “tolerations” end up cluttering our minds. They’re an energy drain that distracts us from what’s really important in our lives. Now is the time to identify what you’re tolerating! Think of it as the fall cleanup! The first step is figuring out exactly what you’re tolerating. Your tolerations could be: friendships that are no longer reciprocal, incomplete tasks, frustrations at  home or work, unresolved problems, other people’s or your own behavior, clutter, the “shoulds”, unmet needs, crossed boundaries, lack of exercise or sleep, poor eating habits, waffling on decisions, procrastinating – you get the idea. You may not want to do anything about them right now, but just writing them out will raise your awareness, making you much more willing to start handling, fixing and resolving them. So, make a list of what you’re putting up with at work – and at home – in life – to determine what might be cluttering your mind and slowing you down! Over time and as you think of more items, add them to your list. …gotta run, I’m making my list and checking it twice … Continue reading

Sept. 25 ♥ Choosing “I Must DO Something!”

Ever sit and watch or read the news and think, “Why doesn’t somebody DO something?” Sometimes the world seems like evil is winning. Everywhere you look the bad guys are are in charge of just about everything. “Why don’t ‘they’ do something?” is quickly followed by…”Who am I to affect any changes?” And it all begins to seem so hopeless. If you let it… “They” are never going to save the world. “They” are never going to organize solutions to what ails the world. “They” are not the change makers. “Something must be done.”, written in passive voice, contains the irony that “they” will see that something must happen. That the rest of us should remain inactive and submissive, content to wait for the changes to occur, which of course makes us appear unconcerned and indifferent. And I know we’re not! “I must do something” has power and strength in it. It’s filled with action and hope that something will be done. It means jumping in and offering whatever we can, regardless of the size of our contribution. I’m not suggesting that as individuals we can solve the world’s problems. What we can do is work on righting wrongs, caring for others, easing pain, seeking justice for all. We can do all of this in our own backyard! On a global scale these actions may seem trivial and inconsequential. But imagine how life would be different if everyone in our city or town felt this way. What miracles would occur if given the … Continue reading

How to Ensure Your Resolution Happens

It is more Important to be of pure intention than of perfect action. ~ Ilyas Kassam It’s time to leave behind what many consider the busiest season of the year and make room for a period of reflection and recalibration. This is a time to focus inward, to carve new paths, and identify the changes you want to make. And yet, many people I have met over the last few days have shared their dread at starting a New Year. They say things like, “I want some changes but I always disappoint myself. So I don’t make resolutions. I can never follow through.” Sound familiar? Mr. Webster defines a resolution as firm purpose or determination. That sounds so inflexible, so final. Either you do it or you don’t. It so often leads to “shoulding” all over your self. But no pressure, right? In my coaching I’m always asking my clients to take a different perspective when approaching a situation. So what if we decided on a New Year’s intention rather than a resolution? After all if we intend to do something it means that we have something in mind that we want to have done or brought about; it’s about a course of action to follow. Intentions focus on the “why” we want something. Let’s take a common New Year’s resolution and see how converting it to an intention can make all the difference in the likelihood of it happening. I like to use the 5 Why’s test for this. … Continue reading