Well, we all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of you, not what other people think of you.
~ Gloria Gaynor
So, what do you think of you?
Really. What DO you think of yourself?
Do you immediately announce that you’re awesome? Or do you hesitate, unsure of how you feel? Maybe you think that praising yourself means you have a big ego.
Self-esteem. Why is it such a sticking point for so many women? Most of us start out with self-esteem but many of us lose it along the way. We pick up bad habits. We may feel the need to please other people. Or we derive our self-worth from how people react to us. Maybe we allow others to define how we feel.
In other words, we hand over our power and let someone else determine who we are and how we will act in the world.
If we are looking outside of ourselves for our self-worth, we’re chasing false perceptions. How much emphasis do you put on getting validation from others? How often do you ask someone, “How does this look on me?” If the answer is slightly negative, do you blindly agree and reconsider what you’re wearing?
Why are you asking someone else? Are you unsure of how you look? If you think you look good, why bother to get someone else’s opinion? What’s your motivation here?
I once bought a necklace that I immediately fell in love with, and asked my husband what he thought of it. His response was, “Mmm, not very attractive.” I thought for a moment, determined that I loved the necklace, and responded, “Well, get used to it because I’m going to wear it—a lot.”
Could you do that?
Or would you cave, because you want to please someone?
Having healthy self-esteem means that you appreciate yourself—for who you are, the good and the bad—all of you. It means recognizing your strengths and your weaknesses. The whole enchilada. It means feeling good about yourself and your capabilities, both accomplishments and mistakes. It also indicates that you recognize that you are not perfect while not dwelling on your faults.
Bottom line: You accept yourself as you are.
When you accept yourself—warts and all—you just notice. You don’t judge. There are no labels: this is good, this is bad. Just notice who you are. In this moment. Because knowing who you truly are sets you on the path to awesome.
Here’s what I mean: let’s say you just don’t want to work today. Notice that thought and stop there. You may want to add a label: “so I’m a bad person” or some other value statement. Don’t.
Just notice your thought. Observe without any judgment. This is who you are right now. Period.
The more you practice this, the easier it becomes. And the greater your self-esteem will become. Guaranteed to get you one step closer to awesome.
You’d be surprised how addicting high self-esteem is.
Your Call to Action
This week just notice your thoughts, feelings or reactions without judgment or criticism. Accept that this is who you are. You may choose to change any of these, but for now, just notice. How often do you want to add some negative value statement? What is different when you don’t judge?