Are You Asking for It?

When was the last time you asked for help?

And I ‘m not talking about, “Could you get the door, please?” That one’s too easy, too much of a reflex.

So the question is, when did you last ask for help—consciously and deliberately? The “I can’t can’t do this because… I’m physically unable, overwhelmed, constrained by things outside of my control, drowning”…kind of need.

For many of us, asking for help is hard…very, very hard. It goes against everything we believe.

And exactly what IS it that we believe?

Perhaps we believe that we HAVE to do things all by ourselves. This, supposedly, shows that we have great strength. As in, “Wow! Look at her. She can do it all!” Un-huh, right.

Or maybe we just don’t trust others. The old, “Nobody can do it as well as me.” Little Miss Perfect title feeling threatened?

And then some of us throw out the money factor. “I really, really can’t afford to pay someone to do X.” Really?! Do I hear the martyr somewhere in here?

Many of us then go for the double whammy combo, “I don’t have the money and, besides, it wouldn’t meet my standards!” Two for the price of one!

I’ve been getting a steady stream of messages from the Universe lately. And the theme consistently has been, “You need to ask for help!” <groan>

And my initial reaction consistently has been to ignore, ignore, ignore. Merrily dancing around the inevitable, if I would use logic. My belief system always seems to gets in the way.

Except.

Except my unplanned convalescence forced me to seek others to drive me places, to prepare my food, and even to help me get dressed. I had no choice. Sometimes it takes a great deal to get my stubborn brain’s attention. I was literally FORCED to ask for help. Or become a frustrated, stay-at-home, very hungry woman who wore the same clothes for days on end. Not a pretty situation.

Other recent dramas have carried the same theme: you can’t do this alone. Over and over, the same message. I think something is trying to get my attention so I can learn an important lesson.

OK, Universe. I hear ya!

 

Refusing to ask for help when you need it

is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.

~ Ric Ocasek


Your Call to Action:

Think back on the last time you could have asked for help but didn’t. What belief got in the way? What did it cost you to “go it alone”? How can you give yourself permission to ask for help more often?

Comments

Are You Asking for It? — 2 Comments

  1. Thanks for this reminder! Very timely for me as I see a neurosurgeon today for possible surgery on my back. I wonder if I would be in the condition (physical) I am in had I just asked for help with lifting and carrying heavy items. One thing I have no control over is a mass on my S2 nerve root. That may result in surgery, at which time I will need help. Guess I should start practicing!

    Another factor in my life is when asking for help from a certain family member, he will often ignore my request or urge me to do it myself. I only ask when it is something that I can’t do, not something I do not WANT to do (i.e., laziness). I never quite understand this reaction as I am not a needy person. I know his reaction is something I have NO control over but it still hurts deeply.

    I need to give all of this a lot more thought. Like the “Little Red Hen’, my mantra has been “I will do it myself” – most definitely need a new one!

  2. Ah, I hear you! I have taken great pride in “doing it myself”, thinking that this showed how independent and strong I am. But humbling life events have shown me that I really DO need to rely on others and that there is no shame in doing so. Am I good at choosing help over self-reliance? Ah, I am a work in progress…